AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sitting here.
and my headphones scream,
"come be the fire inside of me, until You and I are one."

and to my right is my little journal
with scribblings of such longing
asking Him to show me Himself.

as a Lamb
as a Lion
as a King
as a Judge

i know Him so little.
i know HIM so little.
FOR HE IS THE BOUNDLESS OCEAN,
and i have only just stepped off the shore...

and
then
to my left - my little orange bible is open
with the book of revelation
staring at me
beginning with the words,
"The revelation of JESUS CHRIST..."

and i am just weeping
weeping
uncontrollably

pounding my little fists upon this dining room table.

because I just want to know Him.
I WANT TO KNOW HIM.
and if I could, I would rip out
chunks of this Bible and literally eat it
if it meant
His Word would consume me

and I would be able to commune
deeper
with this HOLY ONE OF ISRAEL
SON OF DAVID
GLORY OF GOD
that dwells within my carcasssss....
which fascinates and leaves me
wounded with longing
to PARTAKE of the mysteries of
THIS MAN.

and I would never sleep another moment
if my waiting would
result in His face shining upon my heart.

REALLY.
i am NOT KIDDING.
i am on a pursuit - and THERE IS ONLY ONE GOAL.

and if i had to scream until my voice was forever gone -
if
if that meant He would walk into this room
RIGHT NOW
and SPEAK WITH ME what is ON His heart

if it were true...
i would.
I WOULD.

because
this is the ONLY reason I am alive.
it is why i awake in the morning.
I AM CONSUMED.
CONSUMED.
OVERTAKEN.
INSANE.
CONSUMED with THIS TRANSCENDENT ONE.

because once you have truly tasted.
once you have TRULY seeeeeeeen - even a glimpse.
you are UNDONE.
UNDONE.
RUINED.
WRECKED FOR A HIGHER VISION.

higher than anything this world offers me


OH TO BE FREED FROM THIS PRISON OF TIME
AND THIS CAGE OF CLAY
and to
SEE HIM AS HE IS.

Oh if only I could be awake forever...
because it seems there isn't even enough waking hours of the day
to FELLOWSHIP. TO SEARCH HIM OUT. TO EAT THE SCROLL. TO CONTEND FOR HIS APPEARING. TO KNOWWWWWWWW HIM.

i can't sleep, LITERALLY, i lie awake on my bed:
because "my soul is consumed with longing
for His law at all times..."
and if, if, IF i happen to dose off:
I AM VISITED WITH mysteries every night...
dream after dream after dream...
encounters.
WORDS OF GOD.

only to result in my wakening:
slain with even more LONGING.

this isn't poetic WORDING.
i am BEING COMPLETELY REALLLLL here.

BECAUSE:

to KNOW GOD.
to DWELL IN GLORY.
to GAZE UPON HIS BEAUTY.
to BE FASCINATED BY THE TRANSCENDENT ONE.
to SEE HIS RETURN.
to BRING HIS KINGDOM ON EARTH.
to MAKE HIM A DWELLING PLACE.

[has OVERTAKEN me.]

and here i am weeping.
hoping my tears will perhaps be an offering
upon which you, YOU - SON OF DAVID - will throw down FIRE from heaven

and maybe my tears,
WILL LEAD TO THE QUICKENING OF YOUR APPEARING.

for I am owned by You.
and this slave longs for the Master to
make Himself known.

YOU NOW OWN MY SOUL.

for whoever thought desire could be so miserable?
and whoever could imagine a human frame could handle
such passion for the Invisible God.

i feel as if soon enough i will die...
but death would be the greater gain.


and:

I WILLFULLY THROW DOWN the things of this world...
the fleeting pleasures of life...
HOW RIDICULOUS!
how ridiculous to PLAY IN THE SLUMS
when THE SEA IS CALLING MY NAME.

for nothing is a sacrifice,

if abandonment will give me greater access
to the mysteries of YOUR HEART.

TELL ME WHAT ELSE THERE IS I CAN GIVE.

because
time is ticking...
ticking...
ticking...
and there is so much left to discover.

LET ME KNOW YOU
LET ME LOVE YOU
LET ME KNOW YOU

[You. Jesus. You. Lion of Judah.
You. Slain Lamb. You. Returning King.
You. Judge of the Earth. You. Fully God.
You. Fully Man. You. Desire of the Nations.
YOU. CONSUMING FIRE. YOU. YOU. YOU.]

LET
ME
KNOW
YOU.